After I completed my goal of a post of a day for a year, I said I would take a little break but I realized something. If I don’t commit to something goal-wise, I just stop doing it. I enjoy blogging, but I have a good reason…
I’m going to be a dad.
This has changed my thoughts and my life in about a thousand ways but one significant way in particular is that there is a discernment about what is important and what is frivolous. Everything important has a light on it. For a while, blogging has been frivolous. But lo, it is something I enjoy so therefore important on a soul level I suppose.
At first, my level of urgency involved drawing trumpets in baby books where I thought there should be a trumpet. Here is the actual picture:
Yes, I know it’s a pretty spectacular trumpet but, now, my level of urgency has changed during the third trimester. There is a lot of shit to prepare before this little munchkin arrives to Earth. I cannot wait to kiss and smell his little head but in the meantime we have to get ready.
My focus in life has transformed from ‘drinking wine and doing whatever the hell I please’ to ‘drinking wine and setting my kid up so that his twenties aren’t so undisciplined and confusing as mine were’. I had no discipline as a kid and grew up thinking the world would just hand me every fucking thing I asked for. It didn’t. That being said, it did wake me up to the fact that you have to work for the things you want. Too bad I was 37 when I realized this. Oh well. It is never too late to kick ass especially when something important happens.
That being said here is a picture of our babys cock n balls…
Quite impressive no?
It amuses me when people scream ‘congratulations’ at me. I know it’s a proper social response but it’s really like saying “congratulations on that last bowel movement”. Our bodies were made to make more bodies. Regardless, I love this little guy and do not take for granted this experience.
I have come to appreciate women more. There is such an obvious connection between mother and child. She gets to carry him and endure this. God bless her. Sometimes, I secretly envy her.
Guys that say “we’re pregnant” annoy the shit out of me for one reason… YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT! SHE IS. You were probably drunk and finished in 4 seconds and now she is pregnant for 9 months and then has to have her nipples chewed raw for a couple of years. What an insane new age twist to ancient roles. I feel that I am the outsider looking in, but do my best to engage in meaningful ways. Sometimes, I just feel like a helpless moron. What a duty to carry a child. Thank you.
This is no way means my blog is now going to be about the journey into Fatherhood, although I guarantee it will come up. This blog has always been about whatever I feel like writing. I am committing to myself right now to blog more. I enjoy the art of writing. I want my child to know that you can be responsible, do what needs to be done AND engage your creativity in a world that just works itself to death.
I know I will make mistakes, but he is going to have good open eyes to see the world, a strong connection with life and a solid foundation. After all, he comes from the place where all of us come from. He knows things. He’s not jaded because his poetry book only sold 22 copies. By the way, I have a poetry book available for purchase. He has as Freud says a ‘tabla rusa’, a clean slate. That a boy!!!
Hey kiddo, here is a picture your dad took of a flower in the garden he planted the summer you were incubating in the beauty that is your mother…
God bless you forever!!!!!!!!!!