Tag Archives: people

Miracles and such

I was imagining what would happen if Jesus manifested 5000 fishes and loaves to feed hungry people in North America these days.  Here’s what I think would happen:

Upon witnessing the miracle, parts of the crowd arose and with whining voices exclaimed the following,

“I’m allergic to seafood;  I don’t like fish;  but there’s mercury in it; fish have souls and I’m a vegan;  I can’t eat gluten because of my Celiac’s disease; too many carbs in bread dude;  ewwww, its white bread;  yeah man, white bread has a tonne of preservatives in it.”

Jesus, slightly frustrated says, “ok, well how about some wine?  Just give me some water.  And the people reply, “is it red or white?  Because red wine gives me a headache and sulphites are bad for you”.

The frustration grows and Jesus finally says, “alright!  Forget the food and wine!  How about just some water?”

“Is it chlorinated?  Is there fluoride in it?  Because fluoride is a neurotoxin!”  Respond the crowd.

And with a wave of his hand Jesus makes the people disappear.

 


Idea #1

 The first idea seems simple. 

100 000 people give $10 each to a struggling single mother of two. 

100 000 people each give $10 to the man who set up after school programs for inner-city kids so they have a safe place to play.

100 000 people gift $10 to some random deserving family or individual.

I suggested this idea to my mom who is a part of the Red Hat Society.  I said, “imagine if 100 000 women in the red hats each gave just $1 to one of their sisters ever month.  My moms’ response was like a lot of other people.  “yeah right, why would they just give up their money to someone?”

Why not?  

I can’t tell you the amount of times that I spent $4 on a crappy latte at Starbucks.  I obviously don’t like lattes.  They leave a gross film on my tongue and I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack after.  But I digress.

“Currency” as we call it was meant to be circulated.  Money is a circle.  When we hold onto it in fear it becomes like trapped energy and begins to stagnate.  I could understand the fearful reaction of people giving money if the amount was something like $100 or $1000…

 but $10?  $1? 

It begs the questions:  Why are we so afraid of giving and receiving?  How did we become so complacent to a system that perpetuates getting and taking?  The point of this idea is to remind us that money is meant to facilitate our enjoyment of life and that we have more than enough when we give to one another. 

I think this would be as easy as setting up a profile site where we nominate people who are doing great things in this world and then ‘vote’ for them with $1 or $10.  Another great thing about this is that the money would be tax liability free because it is a gift.  When enough people clue into this, ‘giving’ may just become the new economy.  The economy where we actually work for one another rather than just our self.

Is it a pyramid?  Kind of, but I challenge you to name me one business or non-profit that isn’t?    

The idea of paying it forward is so simple yet it challenges each of us to shed our fear of not having enough for ourself or feeling the temporary discomfort of selflessness and generosity.


Concierge

Concierge is my new favorite word because of what it represents.  What a fantastic service and God bless these people!  It plays right into my innate sense of entitlement in this world.  I mean seriously, I pick up a phone and say that I’d like to go to Vegas for the weekend only to hear a respectful voice say “what time of day would you like to leave Mr. Scholl?”  Later, I receive a call telling me that a car will pick me up for my 2 p.m. flight and that I will be staying in my favorite room at The Bellagio.  How awesome is that?

Eventually, I could see the world being divided into two groups; Rich people and concierges.  What a dream world this would be.  I’m craving lobster at three o’ clock in the morning on Tuesday and I pick up the phone.  An hour later, BAM… lobster with garlic butter shows up at my door.  I’m no longer craving it at this point and send the concierge off on another task but that’s hardly the point.  Also, don’t ask why I crave lobster at 3 am.  I’m rich… who cares. 

I have all the bills outsourced to India.  I have a car service with a hip driver who calls me Mr. S.  I eat at restaurants and simply sign for it at the end of the meal.  I have a room on reserve at my favorite hot spot and hell, I even ask for a bowl of red smarties from time to time just to make sure they’re paying attention.  You gotta keep these folks on their toes. 

So all in all this is my dream life.  I vow of course, to be kind and care for my conciergees.  I just hope that they don’t mind me calling them Jeeves from time to time.  And if they do mind then I’ll just have them replaced by someone who doesn’t.  Ahh, life is simple.   

If however, my plans for world domination don’t work out I will have an aspiring career as a concierge I suppose.  Although I know that this definitely won’t work  because everytime someone asks me to get something for them I say, “fuck you, lazy asshole.  Get it yourself… do I look like your maid?”


13 random thoughts

1.  People that talk to God are called ‘Religious’.

2.  People that God talks to are called ‘crazy’, or worse; gurus who write books. 

3.  People that talk to the government are protestors, media or lobbyists.

4.  People that the government talks to are typically in trouble for something. 

5.  In a loan transaction both parties (the banker and borrower) enter with empty pockets.  One party leaves with a debt liability and the other holds a securities asset.  Good times if you’re the banker.

6.  Human inter-action and connectivity is the new economy.

7.  Life is NOT like a box of chocolate because sometimes it gets hot out and then everything would just melt leaving nothing but nuts and brown liquid.   Gross.  And besides, when did we start taking advice from retards?

8.  Creative animals have the innate ability to facilitate heaven or hell on any given planet.  Where’s your head at?

9.  The very act of ‘believing’ in something creates a duality thereby separating you from the very thing in which you believe.  It’s better to do your best to BE the thing.

10.  Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada is poised to become the central distribution hub for the future North American Union.  Which also may be complete bullshit… just like the European Union right?  That was complete bullshit at one point in history.

11.  None of the Beatles merchandise was released on Itunes, Rock band or any other medium until the holder of the publishing rights a.k.a. Michael Jackson mysteriously died.  Two weeks later… BAM… beatle mania once again.  Just sayin.

12.  How many people enter the field of psychology or psychiatry in order to intellectually offset the need to work through their own mental-emotional issues?

13.  There are 13 moons in a given trip around our sun.  The original measurement of this is called a “moonth”.  Now called month with an inaccurate catholic time measurement system that hides* the 13th moon. 

*Probably due to the fact that a multitude of superstitious idiots drive the assumption based information economy.


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